dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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