anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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