Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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