This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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