he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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