i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
nutella sex= disaster
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
