Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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