My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
