it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
