i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
