Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
