Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize