She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
