If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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