If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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