I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
