R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
