Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
