i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
