Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
