your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
