im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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