you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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