Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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