Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
