I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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