the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
