i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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