Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
