I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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