I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm always down for nudity.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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