Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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