youre lurking in front of me
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
