I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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