Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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