I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
