We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize