Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
