yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
