Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
