So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
