we're chasing vodka with high fives
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
