do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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