Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
