so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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