Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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