can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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