I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
