Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
