Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
