You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
