you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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