wakey wakey hands off snakey
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
