I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
