I'm eating all of the evidence.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How does one acquire holy water?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
