Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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