Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
