His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
