He had one of those small greek statue penises
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You're like the curious george of whores
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
