Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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