i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
