This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
