You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
