She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
