We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
