If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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