i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
